I'M STAYING Chapter 1

 

CHAPTER 30

ENGLAND

DO YOU REALLY NEED THAT THIRD BOTTLE OF TOMATO SAUCE?

On arriving in the UK after living for most of my life in African countries, one of my first impressions was of the intenseness of living there.  Yes everything works well and it's very civilised, but it’s just a little too overwhelming in the variety, choice and quantity of goods and services available to people.  Wherever I have lived in Africa we always had all the basic necessities available and more often than not there were luxury goods on offer too.  But there were a small amount of varieties to choose from and very seldom any tempting special offers. 

When I arrived in the UK and walked into the supermarket I was bombarded by offers of  “Buy three for the price of two” and just choosing a loaf of bread can take a good half hour. (How many different loaves of bread can one country need?)  Would you like a chocolate?  Browse down a mile-long aisle with a variety of chocolates from all over the world, from hand-made Swiss organic to good old budget slabs of milk chocolate the size of a small suitcase. And if you don’t pick up a special offer, they’ll remind you at the till and send you trotting off to pick up your free two-for-the-price-of-one confectionary.  You can’t escape!    

We found Lidl Supermarkets to be well suited to our budget.  Unfortunately the first aisle as you enter is the very long chocolate aisle!

At first my mind questioned who could possibly buy or even need all of these products. There is too much on offer, so that when attempting to make a wise choice we would spend hours studying the many deals and discounts before we could make our decision.  After we’d made our decision, guess what?  We would come across yet more specials where we could have saved more or bought more.  We were always left feeling slightly dissatisfied. 

The television reminds one constantly of new products available that “you must have!” and the internet picks up on any searches that you do so that your Facebook is suddenly filled with offers of hair products or holiday cottages to rent.  I received probably in excess of a hundred emails a week, all spam, and all offering discounts on anything from holidays in Europe to waterproof knickers. Then the postman would make a regular daily delivery of mostly brochures, flyers and even big fat catalogues of things you might need, just in case you didn’t see them on the internet or the television.   Anything you want is out there, at a price.  It’s difficult to hold on to one’s principals of buying only what you need and we’re all in danger of just what the advertisers are hoping for……..we suddenly feel that we can’t possibly survive without all these things that we’ve managed very well without our whole lives.

What saved us is the fact that our house (as with most houses in the UK) was so small, it almost felt like we were living in a caravan.  There was nowhere to put anything more than what we actually needed and used each day.  So buy those special offers at your own peril!  There’s not a millimeter of space left in the cupboards, the garage, the loft or the dog’s kennel.

Speaking of space, if you’re planning on living in a city or town, be prepared to swap your four bedroom, spacious and average South African home for a “cute” little terraced cottage.  This will be one of dozens of duplicated homes lining the streets without even a millimetre of space in between them.  Step out of the front door in the morning to greet your neighbour whose own front door is within arm’s reach of your own.  Your garden will be a narrow strip of grass at the back separated from the neighbours by a waist high fence.  Sit outside on your patch of lawn and wave awkwardly at your neighbour, exchange comments about the weather; “warm today innit?” 

Something many of us don't realise when we search for greener pastures is that there are huge adjustments to make when leaving Africa to settle abroad. Unless you’re one of the fortunate and wealthy minority, you will have to learn to drop your standards, accept that you cannot live in a large house with spacious rooms and a large garden including swimming pool. Instead you will most likely live in a very small house with neighbours surrounding your 4 square metre garden. Planning on having a nostalgic braai?  (Don’t forget the umbrella!)  And be prepared to sit in full view of your neighbours from at least three sides of your garden.

But don’t worry; they’ll pretend you’re not there. This invisible barrier is in operation throughout the country, whether you’re travelling by train or bus, or walking your dog in a public park. You will remain invisible. You will also be considered an outsider and a foreigner for at least the first twenty years of living in your new home town, where you will be tolerated, treated politely, and regarded with much suspicion.   

In the work place, expect to perform tasks which you would have considered the work of an unskilled labourer. You may have qualifications and many years’ experience in your field but they count for very little if they were gained in another country.  You’ll be regarded as unskilled and as such you will be assigned duties accordingly. There'll be no housemaid, gardener, person to pack your shopping or carry it to the car. You will clean your own house, car, garden, clothes. You will park at least a kilometer from the shops, carry your own shopping, and return your own trolley. And by the way, everyone DOES return their shopping trolley to the trolley bay; not like us lazy lot who leave ours scattered around the car park or on the side of the road.

Something John never had to do in the UK was to fix his own road!  As he did in South Africa outside our nursery in Port Alfred

However, there will be no need of a car guard to secure the safety of your car, nor will you require burglar bars, alarms, electric fences, and panic buttons. You will be able to walk on the street at night and feel safe and even leave your doors unlocked. You can buy everything and anything you need at the shops or on-line and expect delivery within days. Post won't be stolen and will arrive within a matter of days, delivered to your door by a friendly postman who doesn't expect or ask for reward. (Although Paddy did take a dislike to our postman and gave him a good nip on his ankle and for that I was called to see the Post Master and given a serious dressing-down).

Postman Pat and his red van - seen all over the UK.  Very efficient and helpful

You will be expected to divide up your rubbish for recycling and it will happen. Collections are scheduled and performed on the date stated. But don’t dare to put out your rubbish even a night before delivery is expected and don’t put the wrong rubbish in your bin or it will be returned to you.

Free television has over 60 channels to view and the programmes actually appear as they are scheduled in the newspaper. There's such a large variety to watch and if that doesn't satisfy you there's more available if you're willing to pay a very small fee.

Internet connection is fast and available everywhere. If you don't want to pay, simply pop into your local library where computers are available, with free internet connections. And speaking of libraries, there are books galore, clean, plastic covered books in pristine condition and all found in the correct sections with friendly, intelligent librarians to assist your every query. My idea of book heaven!

When looking for accommodation don’t be put off by the outside of the building as this may often appear dark, dreary and unwelcoming but please enter the front door so you are able to appreciate the five star equivalent of furnishings and fittings inside. Where South African homes are designed to impress passers-by with stunning entrances and driveways, people in the UK spend a large portion of their lives indoors and that’s obviously where they spend their money. Even the lower priced rentals we had a look at had kitchens that were far superior to any houses in a similar rental bracket in South Africa. Carpets are thick and luxurious, there are power points everywhere for your convenience, smoke detectors are a legal requirement, as are carbon monoxide detectors. There are plugs for TV aerials, double glazing at every window and central heating in every room, including the downstairs toilet! Attention to detail is amazing with beautifully fitted modern kitchens and bathrooms in houses that are often over 400 years old! I really do appreciate that the UK have retained their historic buildings but have managed to make them so unexpectedly modern and comfortable inside.